Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax

Donner, party of four?

A friend of mine used to always use Donner when he put his name on restaurant waiting lists. It cracked him up every time, especially when he'd remark to the hostess "We are reeeeeally hungry."

Anyway: you have nothing to fear from me, should we be trapped in a blizzard and out of ox.

9%

At least check out the "Patriotic Potato Chip & Pretzel Pie"

I was going to write a blog post about the Super Bowl and junk food (or more specifically, the fact that I am a total slave to media hype, and was planning to prepare a Sunday dinner of junk food, even though we aren't having a party, don't have a stake in who wins the Super Bowl, and usually have Sunday dinner finished before 6:30 anyway.)

But I wanted to liven the post up with some interesting snack statistics, so I went to the Snack Food Association to see if they'd put out any handy Super Bowl snack food fact press releases this week.

If they did, I didn't see it, because I got distracted by a link that said Recipes. I'm such a sucker for recipes. I read recipes like some people read trashy romance novels.

Guilty pleasure is guilty pleasure. (Mmm, potato chips in the dip! And...whattya know...the chocolate chip cookies.)

Ice

Ever since the winter I spent in Florida, I have been intolerant of cold. (In fact, during winter weather, I have trouble remembering why I hated Florida so much.) I hibernate in the winter, which isn't good.

I've been trying to get out more this year, and it is helping my mood. So today, since the sun came out, it wasn't windy, and the temperature rose beyond "knock the breath out of you," we went for a hike.

At the trail head, we almost didn't go...the trail, which went downhill to a creek, was packed snow (which is to say, ice), and I wasn't sure if I wanted a misstep to result in a slip & slide into the water. But we went ahead, conditions improved, and all was fine.

I haven't been bringing my good camera on the trail, because it's too cumbersome, but today I wished I had it, along with my tripod and zoom. I had to make due with the pocket camera for trying to capture the ice:

Ice

Click the picture and you'll go to the gallery; I realized I had a few too many shots to clog up the blog entry.

On the way home, we passed a ballfield full of turkey vultures, which was bordered by some trees full of turkey vultures, and the sky was full of circling turkey vultures. Creepy, but nearly as cool as the ice, in its own way.

A rare political post

This morning I heard a news story about the economic stimulus plan and said "After they pluck all that cash off the money tree, everybody can go out and buy some crap from China."

A bit later I heard some clips from the Republican debate, including

We'll probably end up borrowing this $150 billion from the Chinese, and when we get those rebate checks, most people are going to go out and buy stuff that's been imported from China.

That was Mike Huckabee.

As you might guess, I'm not going to be voting for Mike Huckabee.

I know there are a few other things where I do agree with Mike Huckabee, actually, but then there's some huge shining differences. Just for kicks, I decided to take one of those quizzes to see how closely my opinions match up with the candidates. It's in the extended entry if you're interested, but I won't say whether I buy the results.

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Barack Obama (89%)
3. Dennis Kucinich (withdrawn) (86%)
4. Joseph Biden (withdrawn) (81%)
5. John Edwards (80%)
6. Christopher Dodd (withdrawn) (80%)
7. Hillary Clinton (79%)
8. Wesley Clark (not running, endorsed Clinton) (75%)
9. Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (73%)
10. Bill Richardson (withdrawn) (72%)
12. Al Gore (not announced) (71%)
13. Mike Gravel (63%)
14. Ron Paul (46%)
15. Elaine Brown (43%)
16. Kent McManigal (campaign suspended) (43%)
17. Rudolph Giuliani (37%)
18. Mike Huckabee (35%)
19. John McCain (34%)
20. Wayne Allyn Root (30%)
21. Mitt Romney (28%)
22. Tommy Thompson (withdrawn, endorsed Giuliani) (26%)
23. Chuck Hagel (not running) (23%)
24. Alan Keyes (21%)
25. Sam Brownback (withdrawn, endorsed McCain) (20%)
26. Tom Tancredo (withdrawn, endorsed Romney) (19%)
27. Fred Thompson (withdrawn) (17%)
28. Newt Gingrich (says he will not run) (17%)
29. Duncan Hunter (withdrawn) (11%)
30. Jim Gilmore (withdrawn) (11%)
31. Stephen Colbert (campaign halted) (4%)

I was drunk the day my ma got out of prison...

When we were in Williamsburg last fall, we ended up at the book bindery with a class of fourth graders. At some point the binder asked the kids "What do you guys have that people didn't have when I was your age, much less in the 18th century?"

One kid blurted out right away "iPods!"

I thought I had no need for an iPod. Now I love my iPod.

We got a gym at work. It's a real gym, not just an exercise bike in a closet (that's what passed for a "gym" at a former work site), and I'm trying to get into the habit of using it regularly. In addition to the general exercise, it's a nice stress reliever at the end of the day (mercifully, so far, none of the people who are my major sources of stress have shown up in the gym while I've been there.)

About the only thing I don't like about the gym is that they put in a big tv, and people watch some pretty crappy stuff. But Victor got me an iPod shuffle, so instead of reality shows, I have music. My music. My mix of music that would never show up together on a radio station...

You Never Even Call Me by My Name by David Allan Coe
Lady Marmalade by LaBelle
One Toke Over the Line by Brewer & Shipley
Honey Don't by Carl Perkins
Twistin' by the Pool by Dire Straits
Thank The Lord For The Night Time by Neil Diamond
Knocking at Your Back Door by Deep Purple

...then probably the oddest cut, but so appropriate for the gym, is one I got from my niece: I Like to Move It from Madagascar .

Knit for stress relief

I picked up a how-to-have-a-healthy-heart magazine at the drugstore, and it has an article that said that knitting reduces stress.

I tried knitting once. I turned a perfectly good skein of yarn into...remember my string joke?

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string slumps away. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I told you, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes outside, completely dejected. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and unravels his top. Then he walks back into to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you that string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

I love that one. Anyway, my knitting project resulted in a big frizzy tangle that looked like it had been hacked up by a giant cat.

My sister knits. She made this really cool sweater out of some special bamboo and wool yarn. It was all soft and drapy and very flattering.

Then her husband tossed it in the wash, and now it would serve as body armor for a meerkat.

So knitting...I remain unconvinced.

Tomorrow maybe I'll debunk the myth that owning pets reduces stress.

Atheists in foxholes

I bet there are some atheists in foxholes, and possibly even foxhole experiences that have turned people into atheists, but that's not the real subject of this post.

I'm not really an atheist, either. I've just, how shall I say, rejected a few of the tenants of the religion in which I was raised. Intercession, for example.

But an interesting bit of muscle memory kicked in on my way home this afternoon, on that unplowed, hilly, curvy road, when I found myself saying Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, amen.

And then I added, just for the record I'd be really pleased of those two times aren't the same.

And what must the neighbors think?*

With my paranoia about fire, I should be glad that I have such a super-sensitive smoke detector.

But when I'm just trying to roast an eggplant, it's damn annoying. And it really freaks out the dog.

*That I'm a really crappy cook, is my guess.

Getting old (which I am not)

That thing about fitting in at the retirement home was just a joke, ok?

Today in the mail I got an offer to join a large-print book club and one to join AARP.

Don't you have to be 50 for AARP?

Back off, vultures! I still have over a decade!

(Although I wouldn't mind all those discounts...)

Where do referees do their laundry?

Care label on a black and white striped shirt: Wash with like colors.

Early Bird Special

Victor had to work tonight, so I wasn't bound by any particular time constraints. I got home from work, walked the dog, did a few chores, and made dinner when I was hungry.

When I was doing the dishes after I realized that it wasn't even six o'clock.

Yep, I'd fit right in down at the Shady Rest Retirement Village, eating dinner at five and falling asleep by nine.

In the Woods in the Winter

Dead weeds are actually pretty cool, if you look closely.

Ice is always cool.

And you can see the cool old stuff that is hidden by foliage the rest of the year.

So it isn't a Disney movie after all

Redskins Tumble Out of Playoffs
Seattle 35, Washington 14

After Sean Taylor was killed, I said I didn't care if the Redskins won again all season, and I meant it. I didn't feel like I could care again, not until I heard Pedro Taylor, Sean's father, say that he was watching the games and appreciating that they were trying to win in honor and memory of his son.

I had tears in my eyes by the end of the fourth quarter. I'm sure the Taylor family has it in perspective (too much fucking perspective), but I wanted the fairy tale end for them, the impossible run and the Lombardi trophy and an MVP was wasn't even there, at least not not in the corporeal sense.

I'm not upset, just sad, again.

Happy New Year

Augmentin kicks serious butt. By Sunday, after just three doses, I was ready to brave a trip to Target. I wasn't quite able to stay up til midnight last night, but really, the novelty of New Year's Eve has pretty much worn off by now. (I remember a year when I was a kid...probably 1979, the year I got my first digital watch...wanting to stay up so that I could see the date on my watch change. My father tried to convince me that digital numbers are digital numbers, and seeing 78 become 79 was no cooler that seeing 21 become 22 in the seconds display...but I stayed up. And he was right, after all.)

Anyway...I've had my Hoppin' John and collard greens, so bring it on, 2008.

And for all of you, I hope you enjoy a safe, healthy, and happy new year.