It's not that my blog sucks, it's that I'm rebuilding.
Well, that excuse works for the sports teams, so I thought I'd give it a shot.
I've actually written a fair amount, but it's even more maudlin than what I've been posting, if you can believe that. I've been freaking myself out with how depressed I am over my aunt's death...not that I'm grieving, but how long it's lasting, and how acute the pain is. The thing I was bothered by: it's not like she's the first in the family to go. I was nowhere near this bad with my grandmother's death, or my grandfather's, and the situations were not that dissimilar.
I know grief takes its own course, and every situation is unique. And I know that I can't schedule a time for it to end, I just need to let it run its course, and give myself room to just feel what I feel. (Ok, I don't know that, I resorted to the EAP. That's why I pay health insurance premiums, right?)
That's fine and dandy, I can float down the river of grief and indulge the hell out of myself in the meantime, I just want to know why I'm crazy reacting so differently to the situation this time.
The EAP won't tell you that. It's a "why ask why" thing. But I always want to know why.
In the last day or two I have thought of some plausible reasons, and hopefully that will quiet my mind. I need my focus back. And some sleep, nightmareless sleep, that would help a lot too.
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