Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax

Not over

Just as my aunt zoomed through the pre-active stages of dying, I zoomed through the Kübler-Ross grief stages and made it to 5 (acceptance) right away, no problem.

Uh-huh. I thought so, but after I got home this afternoon, I slipped back into Stage 4, Depression.

And it's not on the Kübler-Ross scale, but I think there's a Stage 3.5: utter uselessness.

I keep losing my train of thought. I have a list of things that need to be done as long as my arm (or I would, if I had the wherewithal to sit down and make a list). So what did I do tonight? I wandered around the mall looking for a Snoopy tie for Victor to wear to the funeral. (One of her final instructions was that people were not to wear black, somber clothes to the service.)

I lost the train of thought again.

Oh yeah. So at the mall, I walked by a bench and saw from behind a woman with gray curly hair, about my aunt's height and build before the cancer caught up to her. I almost walked around to the front to see if she looked like my aunt from the front too, but I didn't. I don't need to be seeing dead people.

Damned if she didn't end up following me all over the mall, although each time I saw her it was from the back.

There's no cosmic significance, just the realization that I still have some grief to work through.

Posted by Nic at July 24, 2006 08:27 PM | TrackBack