Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax

Moan

I'm going to go ahead and stick this in the extended entry, because it's just me moaning about not feeling well. Definite chance of TMI...read at your own risk.

The endometriosis has flared up again. I'm depressed. After September, when the cramps and the accompanying gastrointestinal...distress, shall we say...were bad enough to make me miss a day and a half of work, I found a book about controlling endo with nutrition.

So, I started a vitamin and supplement regimen that didn't seem too crazy...no megadoses, nothing untested. I did some followup research beyond the stuff in the book and found some rationales that seemed sound.

October, no problem. November, no problem.

Last week, midweek, I started feeling...off. The cramps are coming. I can't explain why I knew, I just did...I guess this mindfulness stuff is working to some extent. I started taking naproxen every 12 hours. I was definitely cramping on Thursday, when I had to deliver a training presentation at work. I slapped on one of those Therma-care heating pads and, while I didn't feel well, I made it through the presentation and the rest of the day. Friday was worse, but I got through work. Friday night sucked: bad cramps, nausea, diarrhea. At least it's the weekend, and because of the snow I had an excuse to go nowhere and do nothing.

The weekend was up and down. I had hours of feeling practically normal then I'd need to curl around a heating pad unable to straighten out my legs. Unfortunately this morning was one of those bouts, along with the gi distress. (That's worse than the pain. I can, once I get to work, surreptitiously use a heating pad and stay bent over my desk. I really hate the dash to the restroom, which is about as far from my office as it can be in my building.)

I called in sick. I rescheduled an audit, which is frowned upon.

Now I'm curled up with my laptop doing Google searches, although I'm not finding anything that I didn't find in September. My next gynocologist appointment is January 5, when I'm scheduled for another Depo Provera shot. I wonder if I can go with a higher progestin dose, maybe in an oral form...the Depot Provera worked for a couple of years, and it seems to work for 2 out of 3 months now...maybe I just need more ooph.

Maybe I need to deal with the surgery. I am a big wuss about surgical procedures. Of course my wussiness changes with the degree of pain I am in at any one time: at 6 am if someone had offered to pull out my reproductive organs with a spork I'd have agreed to it.

The five days of naproxen have shredded my stomach, which can't be helping the pain and inflammation in that particular system.

And although this is a real condition, and I am in real pain, I feel like a...I already said "wuss," but I can't think of a synonym...for calling in with cramps. All women have cramps. Pain is so subjective I can't help but wonder if I am just a baby.

Also, and this makes no rational sense...I have a certain level of embarrassment about why I'm out sick. Like it isn't polite. I'm apparently not alone in this; it is a recurring theme on endometriosis support group web pages. And while I'm bold enough to blog about it ad nauseum, I'm not telling my boss why I'm out.

Actually, a few years ago, before I started the Depo Provera and this was a monthly problem, the supervisor I worked for noticed that I was out frequently and with something of a pattern, and he asked...out of genuine concern; he was really a good guy...if I could tell him what was wrong. He was afraid that there was something at work that was stressing me to the point of collapse every four weeks. He was a biologist, so I figured he wouldn't get too weirded out by an endrocine system disorder.

Not only was he supportive and not weirded out, when I started the shots he and I discussed the possible side effects. I was a little concerned about turning into a psycho bitch, and he agreed not to put it in my review if I was. (Regarding the adverse effects...I do seem a bit more moody than normal in the first couple days after a shot, but nothing like the internet horror stories.)

But the guy I work for now...eh eh.

The nutrition book I got really recommended two approaches...or rather, a two-pronged approach...one being the supplements, the other being excluding certain foods from the diet. Meat. Wheat. Dairy. Alcohol. That I really didn't do, except to look for goat cheese more often. That may be the next step. Honestly, though, in a few days when this has passed I wonder if I'll have the discipline to pass on wine and wheat.

I may be back here in March moaning about how horrible I feel.

Posted by Nic at December 8, 2003 12:03 PM | TrackBack