Some safety tips for Halloween
I'm on various safety-related e-mail lists because of my job, and this week has been Halloween safety tip time from groups like the Consumer Product Safety Commission and National Safety Council.
I wish this stuff were obvious to everyone, but you know somewhere somebody's gonna set the house on fire with a tipped-over candle, and some kid's gonna be hurt because he couldn't see out of his mask. (The coustume tips always remind me of the old Saturday Night Live skit with Dan Aykroyd as Irwin Hainway, selling the "Invisible Pedestrian" ("not for blind kids") and "Johnny Human Torch" costumes.)
There are also a few tips that CPSC and NSC left out:
- When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
- Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
- Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
- As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
- Do not take anything from the dead.
- If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
- If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
- Beware of strangers bearing tools; for example, chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.
- If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices.
Good advice for any time of year, really...
Let's be careful out there!
Posted by Nic at October 29, 2003 10:04 AM
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