Shoes, Ships, and Sealing Wax

Fear

I had a surprise visit from one of my oldest friends this weekend. We grew up together, but he moved out west a few years ago and I only see him every year or so when he's home to visit the family. One of the funny things about him is that he usually calls me when he's here, not days or weeks before when he plans the trips, so it's always a surprise.

Anyway, he always says "Come visit me sometime!" And I never have, because that would involve getting on a plane, and I don't do that.

I have flown. If I truly had to, I would fly. For example, my brother lives in Texas (I have never visited him either) and if he called and said he needed me, I'd be on the next plane out. But I won't do it unless it is absolutely necessary.

It is a phobia. I have three: flying, water, and fire.

Actually, I'm afraid of crashing, drowning, and suffocation and burning...

The water one is the only one I can understand. It is still an unreasonable fear, but I know where I got it. I was caught in a rip current in the Gulf of Mexico once, and I honestly thought I was going to drown. It's a bit of a longer story than that, but for the purpose of this post, the result was that I can no longer get past my knees in a natural body of water without my heart pounding, cold sweats, and an imposible-to-ignore urge to return to dry land.

With fire, it's more of a paranoia than a phobia. I actually love to watch campfires, fires in fireplaces, that sort of thing. I build a good campfire. I'm just absolutely terrified of a fire in my house. I'm not sure why this is, either...I mean, a healthy concern is one thing, it makes people change the batteries in their smoke detectors and (ahem) quickly exit buildings when an alarm sounds. But my concern has a pathological quality to it. A few years ago I realized that the wiring in my basement was a little unusual, and until I had an electrician check it out, I used to call home during the day to see if my answering machine picked up, because if the maching picked up it meant my house hadn't burned down. I know that's not normal.

And for flying...again, no idea where it came from. A neighbor of ours was killed in the Air Florida crash in '82, but I know people who have died in automobile crashes and I still drive. It wasn't 9/11, because I was scared to fly before then. Since then, though, I have found flying easier to avoid because my company cut way back on business travel, and instead of having to justify not going out of town, my bosses are pleased when I come to them with local training and travel alternatives.

Actually admitting my phobias is new for me. For years I have found excuses to turn down sailing invitations, rafting trips, and swimming. I've had excuses for missing weddings and visits (like to my friend) that required flying. Just recently I started to admit it, and people have actually been, at least to my face, understanding.

This weekend my friend called my bluff, and when I hemmed and hawed about having time to go see him, he said "Do you just not want to fly?" I said well, yeah, actually, that's pretty much it.

He gave me a hug and said "We have an Amtrak station."

All aboard.

Posted by Nic at October 5, 2003 10:34 AM | TrackBack