It isn't that I want to keep writing about death. And I guess I could ignore what's on my mind and, I dunno, find some recipes or something. But it is my blog, and nobody has to read it...so back to writing about death.
One of my rats went into respiratory arrest this morning. I don't know what happened...he wasn't old, he was being treated for a very minor respiratory infection (he went to the vet just yesterday), his cagemate on the same drugs is doing fine. It may have been, as people say...as I've said...his time.
He died in my arms. The times I've had pets euthanized, I've stayed with them when they were put under anesthesia, but I've never witnessed the fatal shot. I realized that Ratburn was dying...his breathing was too faint, and his heartbeat faded. He gasped a few times, and his body spasmed. I was hoping...well, I was hoping it wasn't happening...but knowing it was happening, I was hoping for a great spiritual lesson. An answer. A hint. A clue. A shred of something that I could use to make this random event fit a hole in my understanding of the universe...
I'm sorry Nic. That must have been very upsetting. Your post about it was quite moving.
Posted by: RP at April 5, 2005 09:07 AMThank you, RP.
Posted by: nic at April 5, 2005 04:48 PMYou are quite welcome. And I do understand. I don't normally link to my own blog on someone else's comment board (I think its kind of bad form), but this time it is relevant: randompensees.mu.nu/archives/040693.php
Posted by: RP at April 6, 2005 01:40 PMOh my. I'm so sorry about your dog. That was beautifully written, though, and I see that you do understand...
Posted by: nic at April 6, 2005 05:35 PMI'm glad you read it and I'm glad you understood that my sympathy here was not merely empty formula.
Posted by: RP at April 6, 2005 10:51 PMI'd like to thank you as well, RP. We were both there with Mr. Ratburn when he passed, and I hope he knew how much we both loved him, and still miss him.
Posted by: Victor at April 7, 2005 09:46 AMWell, Victor, that was kind of you to say and I am equally sorry for your loss. It really is the only consolation, in the long term, I think, knowing that you did not let your friend die alone (even if I suppose we all do in the end) and trying to make him feel loved and not scared. That is a major consolation in the time to come, I think.
Posted by: RP at April 7, 2005 10:25 AM